Well then. Things have gotten entirely out of hand; at some point I became a busy person with a busy life. And I don't know how to feel about that.
I'd blame it all on the new job, but that's not the only explanation. Between responsibilities, hobbies, time set aside for learning, the odds-and-ends of life demands and, yes, a job that keeps me busy all day, I hardly find the time to just relax anymore.
There's a lot of ambivalence and uncertainty coming from a growing acceptance of the fact that I'm now an adult. That may seem trite, but I don't think my "adultness" is something I've really considered until recently. I'm still not sure what it all means, but acceptance is the first step towards... well, something.
And I'm still afraid of growing up, especially if that means "selling out." The lyrics from Operation Ivy's song "Healthy Body" never cut me to the bone the way they do now:
Your schedule's hectic and you've got no time to kill /
Earning money and you're spending it the right way /
Just in such a rush you don't know if it's night or day
Or the one-liner that really hurts since I've taken up running as a hobby:
The money you spend on running shoes could feed me for a week
I guess I never imagined that I could become the faceless embodiment of a selfish, capitalist machine. Not me! And it's really hard to come to terms with, even if I'm only being vaguely serious. Adulthood seems to be the ability to compromise with your younger self. Successful adulthood is the result of a compromise in which the adult manages to walk away with the best of his or her younger self while trading away the worst.
Being an adult probably requires practice, too, just like anything else. It's something I could even see myself being alright at. I've certainly gained in patience and discipline over the past few years and those two qualities make a great foundation for growth. While I still struggle with the person I'm becoming, there's probably a way forward somewhere.
But let's dispense with all the seriousness. I should be celebrating the fact that I've rolled out yet another version of this website. I've lost track of the number of iterations this site has gone through over the years, but this version is easily the nicest of them all.
The codebase driving the site has been rewritten from scratch. The style and layout have also changed (for the better, I hope), though everything is still organized in a similar manner. I haven't broken too many links. The biggest additions content-wise are in the Music Database where album ratings, reviews, artist profiles and cover art now enhance what was previously a glorified list. New content is being added regularly.
Other additions are on their way as well. I'll try to point them out when they arrive.
In the meantime, I urge everyone to focus their mental powers on changing Winter into Spring.
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